Goals Of Premarital Counseling

Why should couples seek premarital counseling? The reasons are numerous. They range from wanting to prevent a future divorce, to getting on the same page about finances and child-rearing, to simply making the most of their lives together before they make a lifetime commitment.

If you decide to take the plunge in premarital counseling, here are 8 goals for premarriage counseling.

1. Work for win-win solutions. Shame-based couples often look at all issues in terms of right and wrong, and to see all conflicts as ending with a winner and a loser. That approach works for boxing matches, not couples. Search for solutions that make each partner a winner. Seldom is there just one way to do things. Two different views can both be right. Focusing on strengths increases personal growth.

2. Use the Twelve Steps. Stop the fight and share with each other what step you need to use in connection with this problem. If you are involved with recovery from co-dependence or other issues, connect to the principles, communicate about your experience.

3. Agree on times to work on problems. Difficult conversations when you are tired and depleted is counter-productive. Agree that it is all right to talk about the program at another time that’s acceptable to you both. This tip improves communication. Have a rule about times of the day when intense issues need to be tabled.

4. Avoid dramatic exits. Threatening abandonment is great drama, but also destructive to those whose history is filled with it. Remember, shame is about abandonment. If you need a time-out, ask for it. Do not create more painful memories. Seek personal growth;